your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize