Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
