ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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