I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
