new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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