I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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