I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're like the curious george of whores
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
