sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize