If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
