I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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