I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Non-Jews are for practice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
