I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
