this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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