Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
