then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
