We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
