Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will be naked everywhere
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
