I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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