I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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