I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
