her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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