from now on my penis is your penis
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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