i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
