You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize