: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
