so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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