when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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