Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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