Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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