I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
