i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
