It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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