Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
