I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
