Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
