8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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