took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
