i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
