so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
