May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
