do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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