so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize