I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize