I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
