I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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