I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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