i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
