help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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