i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
whose parrot is this?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
