I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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