I just threw up on my dentist
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
