I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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