I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
