He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
