I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
