shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
