All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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