I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
