I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
