well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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