I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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