his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
