Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
