we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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