Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
