just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
