How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
