Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
