the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Randomize
