Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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