I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
