And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
