Swine flu is the new snow day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
