i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize