I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
