i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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