haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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