thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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