I need help removing her.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
