i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I didn't notice because vodka
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
