walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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