your parents love me but you hate me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
