im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
