you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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