Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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