She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
