i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
