i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
