You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
