No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
