We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
