i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
