My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
