I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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