I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
