I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Everything about him screamed your future.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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