Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
