I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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