Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
