i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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