Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
