dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
