just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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