i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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